Don't get all offended by the title, you read correctly. Writing this article will be liberating for me I think, for all my relationships turn out to be relationshit. It gets to shit pretty quickly for me... no pun intended.
Okay so my latest date -we'll call it a date, it wasn't a relationship or shit yet- was going pretty good so far but things got twisted pretty quickly once again. Before I go into a lot of details and whine about how bad it ended, I'll explain to you how it started so that you get the picture.
First we met in a very unlooked-for fashion for it was the night we went out in the gay village while Nizza was visiting here. The club we went to is called Unity and is actually one of the biggest and most popular gay clubs in the city (google it). That night K had agreed to drive for Rodzilla so he could get his ass as drunk as God would allow. We went there accompanie by Gabuschka who had brought her ex-bf along with her.
It doesn't get cheaper than us when it's time to get wasted; we're like broke Soviets trying to pull off a basement party after all the ration coupons have been used. In fact, we had filled two 2L of juice with tons of Vodka and Gin and drank it in the car while parked (lol). We had also drunk some wine prior to that so needless to say that Rodzilla was already gone thirty minutes before he even entered in tha club.
It didn't take long for us to sashay across the dancefloor and disturb all the other cheapasses and scantily clad queers out there. Yours truly, Rodzilla, cannot feel shame nor lack of social interaction around him when he's drunk which usually results in a lot of confusion for the people surrounding me as I turn into a crazy rapist and bump'n grind everyone who dares cross path with me!
That being said, I was horny and tired which is a very odd combination when one goes out; let's face it, when one is in that mood, he'll want to knock socks with the cutest thing in tha place. Which is just what I was aiming for. I first began harrassing a poor little lesbian in a corner but she seemed to like it! Then I proceeded to circle around the whole dancefloor (with K, Nizza and Gabuschka all trying to figure out what the fuck I was doing) and found myself trapped into a velcro duo with a young and skinny twink who wouldn't let go of me. I do think that dude was into me and thought he'd targeted the right market but truth is Rodzilla was aiming for a tad more flesh to play with. Of course, I'd be lying if I were to tell you I dislike them skinny guys but you know what, I was just not that into him and he wouldn't understand it.
The situation was getting worse as I was too drunk to talk and therefore, couldn't tell him to piss off. His strong grip would make me miss opportunities to frolick with all the other hotter dudes around. That was getting too much and too out of control for The Big Dog. That's when I took things in hands and decided to escape him. He must have thought we were still in the '90s and that he could somehow manage to look like Enrique Iglesias because he seemed to be thinking "I could run, I could hide but I couldn't escape his love". Well, what about hell no I'm not obliged to stickwithu like The Pussies would have sung it if I don't want to?!
I tried my best to ensure that he wouldn't notice the new spot I had found for our quartet of drunkasses but the bastard saw us. I resolved to dance with a trio of black sistas but he still followed me. I mighta been drunk, this dude was getting on my nerves big time and even though I'm all up against rejection, I'm all about tough love and lessons as well and I was getting close to the point where I would just tell him to stay the fuck away, that my cock was on vacation.
The clever idea of taking it a step further up the small central stage bobbed in my head and I decided to hop on it and leave the harrassing twink down. This is when my last date comes into the story: he was dancing on the stage in a very provocative way, waiting for Rodzilla to make him rrrr. Worst thing evah happened up there: twinkie twinkie followed me and would still try to have me dry-hump him even though I had already started making out with Lada (we'll call him like that for quality and reliability purposes). I guess that after 10 minutes, he got it and left.
This is the moment you've been longing for; the moment where Rodzilla burst into a big liar and compulsive verbal intruder. When Lada asked me where I was from, I instantly chose to lie to him to make me appear more interesting and exotic. I told him I was from Norway and that Nizza was my sister! I thought I'd fool around lying to him just for a few minutes for I never thought we'd stick together all night lol! He seemed to be appalled that I was from Norway and I think he liked the idea of me being of Viking decent. I bullshat so much that night, it was unbelievable! I couln't stop myself anymore! I think I was growing more and more full of shit and tried to see if he'd continue to believe me lol!
I told him I was from Rogaland, Norway and spoke a very local Norwegian dialect lol! I tried to say Norwegian sentences but as my knowledge for that lamguage is limited, I mixed random words from German, Dutch, Swedish, Danish and even Icelandic to make sure it would sound kind of Scandinavian loll!!! It was getting so hot between him and I that at one point, we locked ourselves into the john in order to take it to tha next level. We got caught by the security guard who could tell from afar that we were there because both our heads were taller than the bathroom's door!!!
I never thought I'd see Lada again especially since he lives so far and when you have such a name and a Russian car, you normally don't drive to the city too often! Our first date after the clubbing thing was at the Ström spa with Nizza and Terrine (the latter used to work there before getting her iPhone stolen). Everything worked out fine between us and we even went on to have four more dates which were all pretty pleasurable overall. We didn't encounter any major problem until the cunt started giving me text message attitude and respond 24 hours later at each text I'd send him. We were supposed to see each other on a wednesday night but he never texted me again or approved to see me and gave me a lameass excuse the following day saying that he had had a "shitty week with many problems including a car accident".
