Weirdest Date Bar None

I really need to leave this out in the open so that everybody else who's been through something that weird and incomprehensible can relate.

Okay so two weeks ago, I was surfing the web and gathering info about the latest trends in gay social medias and life in general. I was also looking for events to be held in the cities I will visit in the up and coming next two months. That's how I got to know about the Gay Circuit of Barcelona and got to see that it was sponsored by a new gay dating site called Gaydar.net.

Despite what some of you may think, I'm not writing this down to criticize gaydar, nor say that it's the best dating engine I've ever used but mainly to retell you about my latest date gone weird.

So after taking a brief look at the gaydar.net website, I felt like it was pretty darn awesome and user-friendly and I felt like joinning right away -which I did. I built up my profile hoping it was attractive enough to bring me as many potential dates and handsome studs as possible.

I thought it looked pretty great and that my chances were fairly higher than before at aiming my goal of finding the perfect combination of cuteness, sexiness and compatibility ever possible between two men.

After only one day, a few guys had already written to me and thus made my day since I desperately needed something new in my life and by that I mean some pizzazz. A few good-looking men wrote to me and I was taken aback by how easy it seemed to be dating on this website. Perhaps that website increased our gaydars or actually acted as a radar to spot the most edible men in our nearby area.

While I checked out the list of online members, my attention was brought to a young Lebanese man's profile (I know, again!)! I instantly fell for his picture and profile and thought to myself how hot he looked. I secretly wished to get a date with a guy like that but didn't go on to write to him.

Later that day I received an inbox by no one else but that same hot Lebanese guy. Glad was I to notice his interest in me which was darn reciprocal!

Anyways, to make a long story short, we shitchatted a few days in a row, talking about who we were, what we did for a living, what kind of lifestyle we had, as well as hobbies, ambitions and things we liked in a guy. For one of the first times ever, I thought we might really get along well and couldn't wait for us to meet. I proposed him to meet me on a date during the upcoming weekend and he strangely replied: "a hookup is easy to get, no?!" I couldn't help but find that really weird and asked what he meant and he said he wanted something serious and not to simply hook up with me.

I don't know what went wrong but that friday night he insisted on meeting me at midnight! I couldn't believe it! That hot guy who wanted to take things slow and vouched for something serious was inviting me over at midnight! That sounded like a hell of a booty call to me! Of course, being horny and titillate by him, I didn't even hesitate for a second and googled his adress and hopped there in a New York minute!

Not only was this stud supposedly looking for something serious and not wanting to hookup but had still invited me over at midnight, the first thing I noticed when he opened the door was that he was in fact greeting me clad with solely his undies on! He was staring at me like he couldn't wait until our lips locked and he could devour that trout pout of mine.

It wasn't long till I got down to my undies as well and was making out intensely and intensively with that hunky-dory Lebanese baklava! He seemed to be unbelievably crazy about me; the way his eyes gazed into mine and how he kissed me and talked about my body and everything. For a minute there, I truly thought we might become an item in the future despite him knowing I'd be outta town for thow months straight. We remained interleaved onto one another for four hours in a row until I realized it was 4 o'clock in the morning and my bed was making a long-distance call for me to hurry the hell back home and get some rest.

I waved him goodbye and left. I was sure it was a sureshot and I'd finally get a successful shot at love just like Tila Tequila. The following day, I was both merry and nervous about how things would turn out between us. I kept wondering if he shared the same level of joy than me about our night of sweet talk. I logged on my Facebook in order to chat with him later that evening. I said hi and immediately told him I had had a blast with him and hoped it was reciprocal.

Now guess what the bastard replied?!!! He said: "yes I had a good time too.... But I need to tell you we're incompatible Rodzilla... we're sexually incompatible, as much as I wanted to be and tried to be with you, we're not"!!!!

Damn can you believe such a hot-blooded lover could turn into a cold-blooded respondent? I couldn't believe my eyes when I read his message and thought he must've felt some kind of shame or discontentment after our inflamed night together.

I wouldn't take such bullshit and I wouldn't remain speechless even if I faced such a ridiculous situation and I told him that I thought he was full of shit and couldn't pull his shit together in order to be a man about the situation. How could someone who was so crazy about you tell you that you are incompatible the day after?! I don't get it. I guess he actually wanted a hookup and was so full of shit he'd rather lie about it and pretend he wanted a relationship instead! Or maybe he wants to think of himself as being that nice guy who has principles and thorough values!

Wutevah, Rodzilla is fed up and leaving hella soon! Fuck'em baklavas, I'm done with'em! Trust me, they all have small penises and will treat you like shit, beware of them! Keep away from them!

Beware of baklavas... STAY AWAY FROM THEM!

He's Just Not That Into You... But Rodzilla Is!

Okay so in my last post where I was talking about my "relationshit" I ended it saying I didn't feel that bad about it as he was just "not that into me" and that I was reading the book. Well guess what, Rodzilla is done reading that goddamn book and in fact loved every inch of it! It's so relieving to take it as it is. 

I mean we have to face the facts; if a guy is not into us then let's not waste time nor energy on him. The dude has the right not to be into you if he doesn't feel the chemistry or the so-called stomach "butterflies". The truth is, sometimes we are not into them either but just feel frustrated that our present partner is the one distancing himself from us. But yo we ain't 12 y.o. anymore so let's play by ear; if he's not into you and you know it, let him go. If he's not into you and you're not even into him, that's even worse: RUN AWAY! Which I did two weeks ago!

In order to remember the best pieces of advice that book had to offer, I scanned (yes I did) all the chapter summaries to highlight the most important and crucial tiny bits of hard-to-swallow music that we must face. This applies to all of you dear readers and also to myself as I may forget about everything the book was about in a few weeks (I have a very bad memory)!!! Enjoy!

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Relationshit

Don't get all offended by the title, you read correctly. Writing this article will be liberating for me I think, for all my relationships turn out to be relationshit. It gets to shit pretty quickly for me... no pun intended.

Okay so my latest date -we'll call it a date, it wasn't a relationship or shit yet- was going pretty good so far but things got twisted pretty quickly once again. Before I go into a lot of details and whine about how bad it ended, I'll explain to you how it started so that you get the picture.

First we met in a very unlooked-for fashion for it was the night we went out in the gay village while Nizza was visiting here. The club we went to is called Unity and is actually one of the biggest and most popular gay clubs in the city (google it). That night K had agreed to drive for Rodzilla so he could get his ass as drunk as God would allow. We went there accompanie by Gabuschka who had brought her ex-bf along with her.

It doesn't get cheaper than us when it's time to get wasted; we're like broke Soviets trying to pull off a basement party after all the ration coupons have been used. In fact, we had filled two 2L of juice with tons of Vodka and Gin and drank it in the car while parked (lol). We had also drunk some wine prior to that so needless to say that Rodzilla was already gone thirty minutes before he even entered in tha club.

It didn't take long for us to sashay across the dancefloor and disturb all the other cheapasses and scantily clad queers out there. Yours truly, Rodzilla, cannot feel shame nor lack of social interaction around him when he's drunk which usually results in a lot of confusion for the people surrounding me as I turn into a crazy rapist and bump'n grind everyone who dares cross path with me!

That being said, I was horny and tired which is a very odd combination when one goes out; let's face it, when one is in that mood, he'll want to knock socks with the cutest thing in tha place. Which is just what I was aiming for. I first began harrassing a poor little lesbian in a corner but she seemed to like it! Then I proceeded to circle around the whole dancefloor (with K, Nizza and Gabuschka all trying to figure out what the fuck I was doing) and found myself trapped into a velcro duo with a young and skinny twink who wouldn't let go of me. I do think that dude was into me and thought he'd targeted the right market but truth is Rodzilla was aiming for a tad more flesh to play with. Of course, I'd be lying if I were to tell you I dislike them skinny guys but you know what, I was just not that into him and he wouldn't understand it.

The situation was getting worse as I was too drunk to talk and therefore, couldn't tell him to piss off. His strong grip would make me miss opportunities to frolick with all the other hotter dudes around. That was getting too much and too out of control for The Big Dog. That's when I took things in hands and decided to escape him. He must have thought we were still in the '90s and that he could somehow manage to look like Enrique Iglesias because he seemed to be thinking "I could run, I could hide but I couldn't escape his love". Well, what about hell no I'm not obliged to stickwithu like The Pussies would have sung it if I don't want to?!

I tried my best to ensure that he wouldn't notice the new spot I had found for our quartet of drunkasses but the bastard saw us. I resolved to dance with a trio of black sistas but he still followed me. I mighta been drunk, this dude was getting on my nerves big time and even though I'm all up against rejection, I'm all about tough love and lessons as well and I was getting close to the point where I would just tell him to stay the fuck away, that my cock was on vacation.

The clever idea of taking it a step further up the small central stage bobbed in my head and I decided to hop on it and leave the harrassing twink down. This is when my last date comes into the story: he was dancing on the stage in a very provocative way, waiting for Rodzilla to make him rrrr. Worst thing evah happened up there: twinkie twinkie followed me and would still try to have me dry-hump him even though I had already started making out with Lada (we'll call him like that for quality and reliability purposes). I guess that after 10 minutes, he got it and left.

This is the moment you've been longing for; the moment where Rodzilla burst into a big liar and compulsive verbal intruder. When Lada asked me where I was from, I instantly chose to lie to him to make me appear more interesting and exotic. I told him I was from Norway and that Nizza was my sister! I thought I'd fool around lying to him just for a few minutes for I never thought we'd stick together all night lol! He seemed to be appalled that I was from Norway and I think he liked the idea of me being of Viking decent. I bullshat so much that night, it was unbelievable! I couln't stop myself anymore! I think I was growing more and more full of shit and tried to see if he'd continue to believe me lol!

I told him I was from Rogaland, Norway and spoke a very local Norwegian dialect lol! I tried to say Norwegian sentences but as my knowledge for that lamguage is limited, I mixed random words from German, Dutch, Swedish, Danish and even Icelandic to make sure it would sound kind of Scandinavian loll!!! It was getting so hot between him and I that at one point, we locked ourselves into the john in order to take it to tha next level. We got caught by the security guard who could tell from afar that we were there because both our heads were taller than the bathroom's door!!!

I never thought I'd see Lada again especially since he lives so far and when you have such a name and a Russian car, you normally don't drive to the city too often! Our first date after the clubbing thing was at the Ström spa with Nizza and Terrine (the latter used to work there before getting her iPhone stolen). Everything worked out fine between us and we even went on to have four more dates which were all pretty pleasurable overall. We didn't encounter any major problem until the cunt started giving me text message attitude and respond 24 hours later at each text I'd send him. We were supposed to see each other on a wednesday night but he never texted me again or approved to see me and gave me a lameass excuse the following day saying that he had had a "shitty week with many problems including a car accident".

Fatty Fat Fat Wants to Pat My Sack

The matter discussed in this article is of major concern for the gay male alpha.

Two weeks ago, right before Rodzilla had his first final exam, he needed to refresh his mind, have some fun and get laid. These very primary needs ought to be satisfied in this very order and on a constant basis otherwise no gay male alpha can keep up with today's society's trends, fashions, lifestyles or even reach happiness.

A few months ago, I was desperate and sex-deprived so I had joined an online dating website (again) and had met a baklava named Waleed. He seemed nice, polite, well-mannered and had some skills at dirty talking and phone sex. What fell out of my jurisdiction is the fact that Waleed was fat. That's it fellas, not chubby nor slightly coated, just plain F.A.T. I would even go on to say he was obese... I'm not even kidding!

Even though I had promised myself to never bugger an obese person, it seems like I cannot respect my own rules as I did meet him and spent an evening with him. He was genuinely kind and interesting and also very clever as he was a Law student at the supposedly prestigious School of Law of McGill University. Oh I need to mention that he was a Jordanian Christian from Amman! I like to call him "Royal Jordanian" as he's so fat, he probably overate at one of those 5-star hotels along the Jordanian side of the Dead Sea where they serve you all-you-can-eat breakfasts.

I would say the sex was good and the talk wasn't cheap but there's nothing like taking a leap on a huge leek. I'm telling you, not only was he a fat slob, he was really soft and had way too many stretch marks. I know all of this sounds extremely gross and nasty but I'm simply providing you with some juicy and fatty details about a new misadventure of mine!

I do not regret this misadventure as it did indeed help me to focus more on my studies afterward (I got rid of the permanent erection) and likewise, it taught me a lesson: do NOT lower your dock and raise your cock! This lesson could be translated as follows for girls out there: raise your standards not your skirt.

That being said, it is okay to have sex with people that do not look exactly like models in magazines but it doesn't mean you should accept an invitation to your local cockroach-infected diner with a local loser. I'm not assuming that Waleed was a loser but when it comes to trimming down and toning up, he was pretty much last on my list of best eaten pâtés of the last few years.

I was even kind enough to leave room for perhaps a second date with that overfed Middle Eastern stomach but the bastard didn't even call me back! You know you've reached the bottom when even a fat sloth doesn't call you back! I'll leave you on this new mantra of mine (and gossip): "Better be ditched by a good-looking and handsome dude than by a fat and ill-favored stack that might just as well act rude". 

I honored this new motto of mine last friday by almost shagging the hottest dude in the club where I was. Stay tuned for more. Oh and Nizza, I owe this one to you ;-)! Rodzilla love you love you long time!

Which one would you choose?!

Dominated Daddy

This one is a funny one, lemme tell ya! So as you might have obviously noticed, I'm a sex-addict and I really cannot handle a few weeks without popping one's cherry (or cranberry). And so that's how I got to the point where I was in desperate need of heat and moist last monday. I then had the brilliant and convenient idea to go online on my manhunt account and poke a guy I had been chatting with for months. He replied über quickly which probably means he was also really horny!

We chatted for like 30 minutes or so and then I popped the question: would he be willing to see me that night? He was like hell yeah I'm willing to, just cum over (!). And that's how he gave me his adress in the gay village and I got to ring his bell "trick-or-treat" a good month ahead of Halloween! I told you I couldn't wait :P.

The guy is 35 years-old (!). I know it sounds really old compared to my 21 years of innocence but hey, if he's open to meet up with someone my age and that he's cute and still got it, why shouldn't I agree upon these terms?! I actually don't like older men that much to be honest but it seems like all guys my age are acting like real divas and princesses and expect me to go pick'em up in a Limousine and pour them Dom Pérignon in their Starbucks mugs. Big news is I ain't got a penny since I came back from my Bigass trip so I'm surely not gonna spend my few pesos on a 20 year-old princess who's gon' leave my broke ass there after a few dates.

To tell you the truth, I'm crazily excited by these so-called princesses as they're really cute and have tight rumps but the thing is they've got more attitude than Tyra Banks and Naomi Campbell reunited and have bigger egos than the Grand Canyon. Which is all why I'm leaning to older dudes who are a bit more desperate and therefore, nicer with me than these younger queers.

I'll call my new dude Silk as he's got smooth skin and his name begins with an "S". Silk is 35 years old and really good-looking for a man his age. He's got a few tattoos and has a goattee. At first sight, you would almost think this man is straight but hell isn't he straight! Not only is this man gay, he's part of these gay men that love to be "dominated" if you know wut I mean...! It's really funny to me to think about it as most of my adventures with older dudes resumed into myself having to accomodate them with their dominating tempers and the opposite would occure with younger fellas. But with Mr. Silk, all laws are reversed and I couldn't like it more!

I'll strip down for you in a literary manner and confess to you that I always have a certain level of stress before performing as a "top" as I don't want to ruin the whole vibe nor make my partner loose his desire for me and for some action. I can gladly assert that I have performed the task more than well last monday and even impressed myself! I mean Christ not that many people would have that much amount of enery nor would they perform for that long and neither would they be able to do twice in a row! I think I'm slowly yet surely becoming a pro! I'll let you know how it goes and if we'll become regulars. I'm scheduled to see him tonight after my shift and probably romp my stress and frustration from having worked! Lolz, I'll keep y'all posted about my sexual feats!