Rodzilla traveled to Cuba once again last Feburary!
This year, I went to Varadero at a 4 star hotel with four fabulous gals. We had booked the Playa de Oro resort which is probably the "it" spot for party animals from all over the world!
Indeed, our resort was filled with 20something guidos and guidettes willing to get drunk from 6 am to 6 am the next day! There also a lot of Russians who are well-known for being heavy drinkers; you get the picture!
The first night, we landed in Havana and took a bus ride to Varadero. We were all tired but oh-so excited to had gotten in Cuba! We all visited each other's rooms and when we were all prepping up and chitchatting in our Persian friend's room, Rodzilla noticed a h.u.g.e. cockroach on the curtains!!!
I was incredibly excited as I had never seen a cockroach that close in my life and was about to go play with it when it suddenly struck me; they're disgusting! I just took a glass container and emprisonned it in it! Persia, who was the only one alone in her room, had previously complained about the matter and I decided to act nice and make her realize that she now had a new room mate; Jose the cockroach!
My Morroccan friend (whom we'll call Merrywolf) told me I hadn't been so nice when I dared to tell that to Persia! The two next days were spent at the beach getting tanned (brown for the girls and lobster-red for me), sipping mojitos, eyeing up the cute dudes and swimming in the sea!
We had booked two excursions out of the resort such as a tour of Old Havana and a Catamaran day. The tour of Havan was incredibly delightful and insightful as we got to go to the old fort of Havana, buy cigars and brown rhum, visit La Plaza de la Revolucion, the Malecon, the oldest cathedral in Cuba, the Capitolo and so much more! The only issue I've had is that it was a 3-hour ride from Varadero to Havana and another 3-hour ride on the way back so I found it pretty brutal! Aside from that, the ""Habana Tour" is totally worth it and whoever goes to Varadero should consider visiting Havana ;-).
Between our day in Havana, us getting drunk on Havana Club and the Catamaran, the inevitable happened: The Big Dog got horny! That's it, as pretty much all of my girlfriends had already been hit on by a cute guy, I felt left apart and needed some action. One night, we were pAArtying at "La Bamba" -the disco of our club that was incredibly trashy but oh-so much fun!-, I was sweating my life and could barely breathe so I opted for a puff of fresh air and went outside to sit down, cool down and relax.
At that very moment, I could feel that something would happen. And by something I mean someone was actually gonna see The Big Dog and feed it a big bone! There was a short and stubby guy who came back and forth around where I was until he finally approached me and leaned on to talk to me. The second he opened his mouth, I knew he was a dirtbag Quebeccer from the slums of whichever crappy far-away region we have. He spoke to me in unclassy French and I got so ashamed to be of the same nationality than him that I responded in English as if I didn't understand.
He then spoke to me in broken English and asked where I was from. I was so drunk and found myself way too funny to tell the truth so I made up a big lie and said I was from Iceland and studying in Montreal on a temporary basis! The dumbass didn't even know where Iceland was and guess what? He had a boyfriend and both of them were so rubbish that they didn't know where Iceland was and asked me if it was a communist country!!!! I could tell that both of them were attracted to me but lemme tell you one thang: they were both über short and fat!
Despite that overly wichtig fact, I was still ass-dumb enough to accept their invitation to their bedroom. Of course, I knew they didn't wanna play scrabble if u know wut I mean...! Once we got to their room, I immediately began to regret having followed them and wanted to leave. They both grabbed my sausage and wanted to make out. I couldn't disagree more and lied to them and said it was considered "7 years of bad luck" to have sex when you were drunk in Iceland!!!!!
I left their room a few seconds letter and headed straight to bed laughing my life! I saw them all week and couldn't have felt more awkward!
One of my friends wore US size 12 shoes!!! Can you even believe it?! I spent the whole week teasing her about it and when we were on the Catamaran and about to gather fins to snorkle I told her: "do you think you even need fins?!" She had met an Ontarian guy and those two were dating and spending their nights together night after night. She said she found him cute and bulky, I said he made me think of a steamy Jambalaya meal, I then went on to call him "Jambalaya" all week lol!
