Granny's Moving Out

The following lines relate to a subject that a lot of people might have experienced before or are currently living with their grand-parents or if you're older, your own parents. What I'm talking about is elders moving out of their houses to go live in a smaller appartment, usually with other semi-autonomous seniors or with the ones who need proper care because they cannot take care of themselves anymore because of certain health conditions.

In the case of my own grandma, she has osteoarthritis in her hands and legs and has a hard time walking to she is sitting in a wheelchair since the last since months. This forbids her to lead her normal everyday life as she used to. She is extremely saddened by this and we all are. My grandmother has lived alone since the early '70s because my grandfather died of a work accident which led her to raise her four children alone.

Ever since then, she has never remarried nor moved out so she's been living in the same house in Granby, QC for the last 50 years! This is a huge move for her; imagine how painful it would be to leave all of these souvenirs -whether good or bad- behind and look forward to a new life that is actually no matter how sad it is, the last step of your life on planet earth.

My grandma seems to be still somewhat cheerful and to accept her this eventuality way better that what we had all expected her to. She will probably move out into some nice place in downtown Granby. During the last two months, my mom and her siblings have made countless stops at my grandma's place to start packing her stuff and to seperate what she's going to keep and what she should get rid of or simply don't use anymore. All my cousins have made incredibly long lists of precious things they'd like Grandma to lend them which include pricy objects such as cutlery for big occasions, painting frames and fancy decorations. The only thing that I have requested was her earth globe as it is truly gorgeous and has almost never been used (she still keeps it inside the protecting plastic bag she bought it in).

As I am a fan of maps and geography, my grandma and my whole family knew that I would ask for the globe and as they couldn't care less about it, they agreed to let me have it. The other last item that I got from that family auction was, believe it or not, the Kama Sutra book!!!!!! Yeah, this is a funny one: back when I was 13 years old, I was digging through piles of books my grandma had received from her subscription to Readers' Digest and guess what, I found the goddamn Kama Sutra book!!! After I had made that obnoxious discovery, I couldn't stop teasing my grandma with it and telling her how surprised I was to have found that at her place. She would respond by groaning back at me and tell me she had no idea what the heck that book was lol. The book has remained in her living room's library for almost ten years until she gently told my mom to give this to me and that she didn't want anyone else to inherit this book but me lol!!! I got it when I came back from my oh-so-huge-Bigass Trip as I like to call it.

Today, I was mowing the lawn at my house and was thinking about it: could there be anything else pricier in emotions and attachment than these two items? When you think about it, an earth globe or the Kama Sutra book might not be the most expensive objects in the world but they truthfully mean something to me as there's a whole story and passion behind them which also leads me to think my grandma genuinely loves me and knows who I am! I hope you share the same kind of relationship with your grandparents, it truly is endearing to know that this generation who grew up in a whole different picture frame can still relate to us as being their family and can still love us for who we are, no matter how much we differ from them and the education they've gotten. My grandma is an open-minded, ahead-of-her-time, outgoing, dynamic and strong  78 year-old woman with confidence, a big heart and a life journey to pass on. Grandma, I might not make you read this as 1) you don't understand nor read English, 2) I don't want you to know I have such a skanky blog and 3) you might be more offended than flattered by the fact that I wrote an article about you moving out but I still hope that deep inside, you know how much I care about you.

Love you grandma!

Song of the Week (August 22nd to August 28th)

I'm really excited to reveal to you this week's winner. Unfortunately, the song is performed by American artists (lol), which means that everybody around the world might have heard about it or already know it which wouldn't happen with a Québec song or even a Norwegian one :P. I do have to say that I affectionate it as it's full of rhythm, it's joyful and keeps bobbing in my head all day. I'm also glad that it's sung by none other than sexy Adam Levine from Maroon 5. This man is quite something, isn't he?! I always thought he was gay, I don't know what to think about that anymore. So as you might have guessed, the song is "Moves Like Jagger" by Maroon 5 and Christina Aguilera.

I heard on the radio earlier this week and was like Christ, I need to go on Youtube and add it to my favourites lol! And that's exactly what I did when I came back home, I just didn't expect the clip to be '70s vintage intertwined with "moves" by Jagger himself. I'm not so sure to understand the concept of the song nor why they chose to make a song about Mick Jagger's magic and clumsy moves lol! The song is so catchy, it makes me wanna dance and make funny moves lol. I guess that was the goal with it. Christina Aguilera looks quite hot in the video, it seems like she looks hotter since she's had her baby. Enjoy!

Lil' Apology & Excuses...!!!

Hey there! I'm writing this down to simply apologize for the huge delay that I now have with my narrating of my European adventures and of course, misadventures! I wanted to write as often as I could but I ended uup taking 14 flights in 45 days and I also spent three whole days traveling by train! I calculated that I probably spent around 72 hours moving from place to place, that's like three whole days non-stop!!! I visited 11 countries overall!!! And trust me, these countries were not always next to one another, meaning I had to take quite long flights between them. Our whole trip (I was traveling with Terrine and Nizza) covered four time zones!

I started out with Western Norway (Stavanger region, Rogaland) and had to stop in Paris and Oslo to reach that place. Then went to Stockholm, Sweden for four or five days. We all gathered in London, at a hostel not too too far from Russell Square and Terrine and I had to leave everybody after the sixth day because as we had planned it before, we headed to Israel for a whole week. After Israel, we flew to Italy and visited Venice and Florence which were both more exquisite than what you could ever imagine! The train (Trenitalia) brought us to Nice, France where my friend Erik hosted us for six days. The train was waiting for us once again as we railed across France to reach Spain. We stayed in Barcelona for a night until we flew to Lisbon, Portugal to reunite with Nizza. That was pretty much the best part of the trip as we took it really easy, got loose about our respectives diets (:-P), tanned on the beach and did a Pubcrawl which led us crawling to our dorms! The last segment of the "Bigass Trip" as we had entitled, was Morrocco where we sojourned in Casablanca for four days. Royal Air Maroc brought us back home last saturday and I've spent my time pretty much sleeping, exercising and seeing friends.

That's why this is a promise that I am making to you, dear readers: I will write EVERYTHING that happened during this trip so that you'll be able to savor each crispy and juicy detail of it :-P!!! There's a lot to say, trust me! Not only will I give you all the info you need in case you want to visit these destinations, I will also tell you all about my traveling depravity and behavioural excess lol! When "The Big Dog" is traveling, he doesn't give a rat's ass about what people have to say about him, he just got it going on for Christ's sake! Oh and talking about Christ, Terrine and I went into the "Holy City" of Jerusalem during our stay in Israel. Stay tuned for further articles if you wanna know all about it!

Now I'll over-expose myself and pull an attention whore outta me and tell you what I did since I came back. Okay so last saturday night, Terrine and I landed on YUL's heated tarmac at around 5h45 pm. We had to wait almost an hour to pass the customs to go back to Canada as the customs hall was completely packed with arrivals. We then headed straight and violently to "baggage claim" and kicked them lousy fuckers who take all the space available to pick up your luggage. We hurried to the exit to see my two parents, Terrine's mother who seemed quite joyful (a first in years) and her incredibly cute and edible younger brother who was sporting a little camisole and a cap which made him look sexier than ever. Okay I'll need to stop talking about her brother unless I want to hear that she finds me obsessed again!

My parents and I left the airport and headed directly to my native South Shore to eat at a restaurant as we were all auto-digesting. Fabulous Andy arrived at our house even before us and I had the pleasure to have a chat with her until 3 am! The day after (which was my 1st full day at home), I woke up at 9am and went to Strøm (a spa) accompanied by Jizzabelle, Merry and another friend of theirs. I loved the spa right away as it was on Île-des-Soeurs, which is located a few kilometers from downtown and offered a nature-surrounded environment that made us forget our proximity to busy and noisy downtown. I was scheduled to attend the Gay pride with Fabulous Andy but missed it because I decided to stay longer at the spa. After the spa we went to Les Rôtisseries St-Hubert and ate like pigs (well, especially me).

Since that very first day, I didn't work a single hour nor shift at my job but spent a lot of time unpacking my luggages, sleeping and seeing all of the friends I haven't seen in the last two months! I also did quite a lot of sports -which I'm really proud of- such as biking (45 kilometers in one day!), going to the gym and I also went walking along the St-Lawrence river to bethink myself and spend some time alone. To be completely honest with you, this last "Bigass Trip" has been longer and busier than any other trips I've ever done but it went by so fast as I was always surrounded by other friends and we kept incredibly busy with our fully-loaded days. This all led me not to have a single day alone, by myself which I actually needed lol! I don't want it to sound mean but sometimes, a brotha gotta keep things to himself ya know?! Anyways, since I'm back, I feel really broke but I learned that I'll be working four days next week, which will enable me to replenish my wallet!!! Amen.

Swedish Berries part 1

My second stop in Europe after Norway was Stockholm, Sweden. I was incredibly thrilled and anxious to finally get to see it as I was dreaming to do so since the tender age of 16 years old. Back then, I began to be fascinated by Scandinavia and naturally, by tall and gorgeous blond Viking men. My boyfriend at the time (and also the only one I've ever had so far) didn't seem to comprehend why I had such an interest for it. He was half Columbian and half Québécois and wasn't notably smart... lol! Anyways, back to my trip.

So not only was I pleased to visit the Swedish capital, I was also pleasantly escorted by Nizza and Sultan, a friend of ours we met last year in Nice, France. For the whole length of our stay there, the three of us had booked an eight-bed dorm at the 2Kronor Hostel in Gamla Stan, Stockholm. The hostel was quite small and cute and we got to meet plenty of nice people there.

The first day we arrived there, Nizza and I were quite tired as we had been hiking at Preikestolen the previous day and didn't get much sleep as we had to pack our luggages (re-pack in my case)! Funnily enough, despite both departing from Stavanger, Norway to Stockholm, we were scheduled to take different flights as she had found cheaper deals with Scandianvia Airlines. I had a very agreeable direct flight from Stavanger to Stockholm with Skyways while Nizza had a stop in Oslo. Both of us stopped in Oslo that week, which made me feel so lucky when I saw that there had been a terrorist attempt on July 22nd! That was one very sad and unfortunate event!

When we reunited at Stockholm-Arlanda airport, Nizza was waiting for me with Sultan who had suited up and had brought her a bouquet of flowers. After we had stepped into the hostel, we didn't even feel like going out anymore; we need to settle down and try to feel at home. The second day, we met a Brazilian guy named André who was from Belo Horizonte and who gently went sightseeing with us. We went all around Gamla Stan and Skeppsholmen and then walked to Djurgården. We saw that there was an amusement park there called Gröna Lund. Nizza really wanted to go and we all agreed that it would be funny!

That's how we spent the rest of our day; riding rollercoasters and screaming at the top of our lungs lol! We had a blast there and had the opportunity to do each ride like three times. We went to a haunted house called "Spökhuset" which scared the shit out of me! You gotta know that there was stage actors popping out of nowhere screaming and grabbing us! Once we went into a room where the "Saw" movie's main protagonist was seated, I though it was a statue but then it stood up and walked in my direction. I was scared shitless so I hurried to grab Nizza's arm lol! She wasn't frightened at all and seemed to think I was exaggerating lol! Trust me, I wasn't!

We really had a blast that night at Gröna Lund and I would highly recommand it to anyone visiting Stockholm without discrimination of age, gender or even salary (lol), even though the entrance costs about twice what it would cost you to go to LaRonde (Montreal's Amusement Park) for a day! While in Stockholm, we mainly walked and got some sightseeing which involves of course visiting every isle of the area (Södermalm, Norremalm, Gamla Stan, Skeppsholmen and Djurgården), downtown Stockholm and the Swedes themselves. For those of you who haven't had the chance to visit Sweden yet, you should write it down on your "future travel" list as not only is it a beautiful country that has a rich history and culture (and economy!), this country's habitants are also beautiful and rich themselves! I'm gay so of course, I eyed up them Swedish men -that's a no-brainer- but I also noticed how gorgeous and hot the Swedish girls are!

Song of the Week (August 15th to August 21st)

OMFG I can't believe this is my first "Song of the Week" article since more than a month and half! I'm so sorry if I didn't have time to do this! Trust me I've been hella busy with all my travelling! I actually checked my blog multiple times while travelling but didn't really get any time to sit down and write as Terrine, Nizza and I shared my computer and as we were busy partying, teasing constipated bastards at our hostels, discovering new cities and countries, eating like pigs, drinking heavily and snorting Snus.

I hope the blog doesn't seem too left apart because of the few articles I wrote during the month of July. I truthfully wish I had had more time to write on it even though I was traveling but hey, roaming through 11 countries and taking 14 flights in a month and a half kept me busy! Several weird events took place in different locations where I went during the summer and this leaves me thinking I'm cursed and bring bad luck! First there was the bombing and shooting attempt led by the crazy Norwegian in Oslo, then Amy Winehouse died in Camden, a city around London that we visited a few days before her death, than some shootings and hostilities in Israel, terrorist attempts in Morrocco and riots in London!!! I still don't get it but whatchuwant, I'm not directly involved into these series of unfortunate events! Unless I really am cursed which may be a red alarm for all the people living in the Montreal area :-P!

Okay so let's focus here -my bad-, the song that I chose as this week's winner is none other than Amy Winehouse's "You Know I'm No Good" and this for several reasons. The first being simply because she was a gifted singer with a huge talent, a captivating voice and interesting melodies and music and also because "You Know I'm No Good" sounds awesome. The second being because I'm kinda sad she died even though a lot of people had foreseen it -including myself- as she had abused of way too many harmful substances, had an irregular heartbeat, premature lung diseases and that her body was obviously underweight. The third reason why I chose this song is because I like the fact that she's very humble in her lyrics and tells the guy she's no good for him. It makes up for a very melancholic track which reminds me of the feeling that I often get when I want to date guys that I feel are too good or too perfect for me.

 R.I.P. Amy, your music will never be forgotten. Amy entered the 27 club because just like a few other Rock Stars (such as Kurt Kobain, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison) who had drug problems, she died at the tender age of 27. So sad. I wish Amy could no that she was indeed good and that millions of fans loved her around the globe and that everybody admired her talent.

Norwegian Adventure (Sequel to Norwegian Drama)

Okay so as you read it in "Norwegian Drama part 1 & 2", there was a lot of drama during the first two days of my stay in Norway as I had taken 3 flights to get there, was on jet lag and experienced some crazy drunk-clubbing. I am pleased to assure you that everything was perfectly normal and fine after that obnoxious night out of July 2nd! On July 3rd, Nizza and I woke up at 3pm, had breakfast and reconciliated as we explained to each other what had happened the night before. We agreed that we had both abused of alcohol, were tired and that we just drifted apart when the hookers took charge of her and pulled me aside, alone with Tora the rapist.

We then decided to have a nice day and forget about all that drama by heading to the beach in Ogna, which is a small town south of Bryne where my friend lives, in the province of Rogaland. That's how we embarked ourselves on the train leading south and hopped off at Ogna station. I thought the beach would be next to the station but we had to walk through a few fields inhabited by cows and sheeps which offered an incredibly cute spectacle. It was nice to walk through this area as the grass was super green and the panorama was filled with huge stones here and there, along with a few trees and several cows and sheeps. It really did look like a typical Scandinavian postcard. Nizza and I had a lot of fun teasing the sheeps and taking photos of them! We then reached the beach which was a bit rocky but that's when I got to learn that there was a much nicer beach just over the river which separated the two.

We both agreed to cross the river bringing all of our belongings with us which involved carrying our bags, shoes and clothes over our heads while walking in the river which was deep enough to cover up our ribs! Even though the outside temperature wasn't too hot (18 degrees or such), the river was not too cold either and offered a quite refreshing swim. Over the river was a picturesque setting; dark sand, big waves and grey horizon which truly made the Norwegian Sea appear even darker and icier than you would ever imagine! I kind of liked it but when I dared to dip my toes into it, I realized it was way colder than the river we had just swum in. The sea must have been no warmer than 8 degrees lol! I had previously told Nizza that I was used to swim in cold water as the lakes and rivers in Quebec are cold and that the Atlantic Ocean in the nearby US states are cold as well but that was colder than I would have imagined. I guess it was like swimming in Maine in October lol!

The following day we had the brilliant idea to go hike around Lysefjorden to reach the peak of Preikestolen. Going to the area below Preikestolen was a little longer than I would've thought; we had to take a train to Stavanger, hop in a boat and then take a bus. I have to say that it was actually really nice to see new places around Stavanger and to ride a boat. OMG I also need to mention that I saw the man of my dreams on the boat but didn't dare to talk to him so I'll never see him again, too bad! Anyways, after we hopped off the bus, we hurried to climb the 500 meters or so that separate the bottom part of the cliff and the tip of Preikestolen. It took something like three hours and a half to reach the top and it was no easy hike; the pathway is rugged and replete with freshwater cascades, huge rocks, Asian tourists, children, obese people and even marsh lands lol! Nizza had come there a few weeks earlier so she remembered pretty well the way to get there and how long it would take.

Upon reaching the top, I was more excited than any 5 year-olds around but was also beginning to be frightened by the 604m downfall to the fjord below!!! The fact that there's no fence or gateway forbidding you to jump from the rock made me think of all kinds of plausible suicides that might have occured there! At first, I didn't dare to approach the end of the rock near the vacuum but as we both started to tease and play around more and more, I became brave enough to get closer to it! We took many many photos of us fooling around on the rock and at the tip and also one of us "meditating" on top lol! We had a succulent lunch -thanks to Nizza ;-)- which consisted of low-carb bread, fresh fish, caviar and cheese. We had to hurry the fuck up to get down though because the last bus would pass an hour and a half after we were done kidding at the tip. We got down the whole cliff quicker than an hour and a half and caught the last bus! We more than happy!

That last night in Norge (Norway), we came back home at around midnight and the sun was still shining and then had dinner. I had to repack everything in my luggage and Nizza had to pack her luggage starting from scratch. I had three hours of sleep that night and I think Nizza didn't get any as we had to wake up at six to leave her appartment, take a bus ride to the airport and leave for Stockholm! I'll tell you what happened in Stockholm in the next article!

From the ferry to Lysefjorden

At the bottom of Preikestolen

Indeed, it is 604m high!!!!

My crazy self at the tip of Preikestolen! Thank God it was foggy that day
otherwise I would've never dared to do that!!!

Norwegian Drama part 2

The Radisson Blu in Stavanger near the pond

After Odd dared to publicly claim his liking for my ass, he would never stop talking about it which made me feel both proud embarassed at the same time, the latter feeling coming up later during the "Vorspielt" and the former staying present until today!! He even asked to grab my ass! Unsurprisingly, I told him to rejoice himself lol! We continued to drink more and more until we got up so drunk that Odd kissed me. I have to say I still have doubts regarding his sexual orientation but won't talk about it to Nizza as he's her former boyfriend!

That evening, my fantasies didn't come true and Odd left us really early. Accompanied by his others friend Magnum, he headed back to Radisson Blu. Nizza and I then partied at two different spots in Stavanger. Unfortunately, I coudln't tell you the names as they're in Norwegian and also because I was too drunk to remember. The last club we went to was really glam and near. Nizza's friend Tora remained with us all night and kept buying us cider after cider. He was more odd than Odd and his weird attitude and killer look earned him the nickname "The Rapist"! What happened that inside the last club we went in that night is still very vague and nebulous in my memory.

As I can remember, we met a striking blond Swedish guy who looked gay but who didn't seem so interested by me. Then we continued to drink Tora's ciders and went into a little corner at the topmost floor of the club. That's when I met Stéphane, Nizza's love interest. What's so funny is that I never knew he was the one until the day after when Nizza mentionned it to me lol. Nizza was getting more and more drunk every minute, thanks to Tora the rapist! She had put four pouches of Snus in her mouth (4 times more nicotine) and had drunk a lot! I was super tipsy ans utterly horny! I began grinding Nizza but she wouldn't move as the excess alcohol in her blood forbade her to make use of any of her limbs. There was also a slutty girl next to us who was dancing provocatively and who was scantily clad. I had no inhibition whatsoever so I decided to dry-hump her from behind and never let go of her! She seemed to like it but to my astonishment, she suddenly faced me and bit me deeply into my chest, just under my right nipple! I started bleeding but couldn't feel the pain as I was numb with alcohol, lost in translation and confused with the jet lag!

A few minutes later, the club closed its doors and we saw ourselves gathered in front of it. Nizza began a profound discussion with the nearby hookers and asked'em if they ever fell in love. Just like Copenhagen, they were all black and were very insistant if you know wut I mean...! I was freaking tired; it was my second night there after all! I was pulling after Nizza to catch the last train and leave but she didn't want to and kept saying we had already missed it. In what seemed to me as farewell, Nizza left with the hookers and walked a little further. I was drunk and exhausted and started to panic so I cried my heart out in the middle of the street!

The crazy rapist -Tora- stayed with me the whole time and wasn't of any help; he would just accompany me anywhere and tell me to calm down! What's up with that?! I desperately tried to go back to Radisson Blu and ask for Odd and Magnum's room. The receptionist was a flagrant, filth-mouthed bitch; she dryly told me it was 4 am and that she wouldn't allow me to call them. I was crying and trying the best I could to pull my shit together, articulate and behave but she never agreed to let me call them! I kept telling her I was from Canada, was on jet lag and was desperate to find a friggin' shelter for the night! She didn't want to negotiate with me, what a fucking bitch!!!

I then met a chubby girl who was standing there with her effiminate latino friend. She was quite nice and proposed to invite me to a "Nachspielt" at her place and said "everything would be alright". I was about to go to their place but Tora the rapist was doing everything he could to restrain me to. I told him to piss off and went along with these newly-introduced acquaintances.

When I got to the chubby girl's appartment, I felt really bad and confused; I litteraly felt like crap! I was wondering where the fuck Nizza was, why "the rapist" didn't want to go with'em and why that was happening to me! I was slowly but surely starting to gain sobriety back and had a moment of cleverness and that's when I decided to call Nizza. Her too was wondering where the fuck I had been and agreed to hop in a cab and head straight to the chubby girl's place to "rescue me". When she arrived, she was so wasted, she just wanted a blanket. She then sashayed to the bathroom accompanied by the dear rapist.

They left me in the chubby girl's living room while I was being raped by her; she would go on and on grabbing my crotch, trying to feel my penis and tell me I couldn't be gay! She said she wanted to have sex with me and kept sayin' she wanted to see my Canadian maple leaf! She then dry-humped me and acted weirdly. Then all of a sudden, she started yelling after us and knocked on the bathroom's door and told Nizza, the rapist and I to all get lost. That's how we managed to take a cab, pay 200$ and arrive home at 8am!!!

During the whole taxi ride and even after we had headed home, Nizza seemed overly mad at me. We started talking about it the day after and I got to know that the chubby girl had told her that I would go back to Nizza's place, take my luggage to leave her and that I wouldn't travel with her at all. Of course, I didn't understand a word of the conversation these two had since I don't speak Norwegian but I still can't believe this girl was so insistant and wanted to screw our whole vacation that we had planned two months in advance!!! Lemme tell ya one thang: that was way too many bizarre stuff happenning in the same night!!!