In-a-Relationship Drama Queen

Okay last week I had the worst date ever possible. Lemme explain myself. Two years ago, back when I was still at Cégep and had a lot of spare time, I used to go out at Cabaret Mado quite often as there’s a good show, the booze doesn’t cost too much, all my friends like that place plus you get to fire burn it on the dancefloor after the show is done. As I mentioned it in my article called “Drag Behavior”, I dated one of the drag Queens from that cabaret two years ago.

What I may have omitted to mention in that article (or didn’t?!) is that at the party that I attended at that drag Queen’s mansion was a flamboyant boy who was chasing me all night. That twink, whose name I won’t name, is pretty active in the village and can be seen pretty much anywhere, anytime as he’s a cunt extraordinaire who likes to flaunt his over-the-top hairdo and bitchy face to anybody who dares cross his path.

Anyways, enough with all the useless details (talk is cheap, just like me), that twink has been chasing me since the last two years and since I knew fo’ sho’ that he only wanted to nip it in the bud with Rodzilla himself, I felt like the game was already played and didn’t like it that much. Therefore, I refused all of the advances he’s made to me and hadn’t seen the bastard since that last party until last week. What happened is I was on a dry spell of sex (or hence, lack thereof) and terribly needed to let go of all that testosterone and androgen that was boiling inside me and making me lose my hair (Rogaine, I love you). That’s when Rodzilla was so bored with his overly busy student life and decided to opt for a Facebook chat pause.

Last Halloween Party

Okay I know I'm posting this incredibly late but hey, don't mess with me; I was really busy with my job, school'n shit ya know. Anyways, I'm gonna tell you all about what happened at the Halloween Party I attended on October 29th. That very night, I had to go work at my job (Italian restaurant with guidos and guidettes) disguised and then attend that party where I'd have to disguise myself once more. Of course, all my friends know me so well and know I'm such a sloth, they would have thought I'd have kept the same costume for both work and the party but Rodzilla being the sweaty bastard that he is, he had to stop by his house to change wardrobe.

As the party was to be held at Larah's mansion on the South sho' and that it was gonna be a big open-house party, I was excited for it for about a month prior to the party. Larah and her close friendz all dressed like the Sailor scouts from Sailor Moon; Jizz dressed as Sailor Jupiter, Merry as Sailor Moon, Cherryka as Sailor Mercury, Larah as Sailor Venus and Drea as Sailor Mars. They had asked me to be part of their crew and to dress like one of the male characters. For those of you who don't know anything about Sailor Moon (BTW: U ain't missing on anything), there's only two male characters on the show, that is: Tuxedo Mask and Moonlight Knight. As one of their baklava male friend had volunteered to dress up as Tuxedo Mask, I was asigned to the latter so-called Knight of the Night (what a pun!). 

What is absolutely funny about Moonlight Knight is that he wears a weird kind of body suit that looks a lot like baklavas' (Arabs) costumes worn in the Middle East. And as some of you might already know after reading my article entitled "Baklavas", I love'em baklavas; both the pastries and the men. All of my friends found my attire overly hilarious as I looked like a terrorist and the idea of such costume seemed to come from out of the blue while in reality, I was part of the Sailor cast which didn't make me an outsider (lolz)! Fabulous Andy, K and Terrine have had the privilege to see me first and all laughed their asses off trying not to wake up my parents from their sweet dreams!

 

Drag Behaviour

I dated a drag queen last February.

You know how it goes with relationships, you never really know neither what’s happening nor what is about to happen but I think nothing can be more miscellaneous and hazardous than my relationship with that Drag Queen lol!

Her/his name is inspired by his/her native Caribbean island which is the same than Rihanna (Barbados); so let's call that Drag Queen "La Isla Bonita". So everything started when I attended a show at Le Cabaret Mado last February. He/she spotted me in the crowd and went dancing with me and we chatted. He/she/it seemed interested and aroused by me. I felt very flattered and thought about the same regarding him since he/she had a very edible pâté and a Nutella skin tone. Aside from Nutella Versace, Nutella turns me on.

So we sort of flirted and I went to one of his parties (I think I already told you previously). Naïve as I am, I believed we could take that soon-to-be relationship to the next level as he/she had an undergraduate diploma, a full-time job and seemed to quite serious for a Drag Queen. I asked him/her out next week after the party and he/she completely ditched me. I was mad. He/she then texted me and excused him/herself for the inconvenience. I was still upset so I just told him I was going to Vancouver and Seattle the same week so we wouldn’t meet before at least two weeks or so.

He/she never called my back and to be honest, neither did I. I was just too upset about having been ignored so gnarly. I felt like it was his/her turn to contact me. This never happened so we ended up never talking to each other from then until yesterday night! Yup lol, we finally saw each other again. Actually it wasn’t even intentional ‘cuz we had gone to the Cabaret just to have a blast since Fabulous Andy had a friend of hers dancing in the “So We Think We Can Dance” Drag cover. What’s just weird is that “La Isla Bonita” acknowledged my presence in the audience and greeted me during the show, went to chat with me (though very quickly) after it and seemed to be almost glad to see me.

What’s so awkward is that he/she then left the stage and dance floor to go hide backstage. I then saw him/her again as he/she was leaving and he/she totally ignored me and almost looked repentant speaking with me twice in one evening. From now on, I added a rule to my “Misfortune Dating Guide” which goes as follows: “Thou shalt not date nor copulate with a Drag Queen, ye ol’ Stick shalt keep asleep when in presence of they”.

That’s all for now folks, hope you enjoyed the article. I need to mention though that I do not dislike Drag Queens; they’re very entertaining and shit but when it comes to a serious date or potential boyfriend, things get fucked up and I’m never sure of how to act with them: they’re big Drama Queens. The only Drag Queens that seem datable would be RuPaul and NYC’s Hedda Lettuce.

Hedda Lettuce

RuPaul André Charles