He's Just Not That Into You... But Rodzilla Is!

Okay so in my last post where I was talking about my "relationshit" I ended it saying I didn't feel that bad about it as he was just "not that into me" and that I was reading the book. Well guess what, Rodzilla is done reading that goddamn book and in fact loved every inch of it! It's so relieving to take it as it is. 

I mean we have to face the facts; if a guy is not into us then let's not waste time nor energy on him. The dude has the right not to be into you if he doesn't feel the chemistry or the so-called stomach "butterflies". The truth is, sometimes we are not into them either but just feel frustrated that our present partner is the one distancing himself from us. But yo we ain't 12 y.o. anymore so let's play by ear; if he's not into you and you know it, let him go. If he's not into you and you're not even into him, that's even worse: RUN AWAY! Which I did two weeks ago!

In order to remember the best pieces of advice that book had to offer, I scanned (yes I did) all the chapter summaries to highlight the most important and crucial tiny bits of hard-to-swallow music that we must face. This applies to all of you dear readers and also to myself as I may forget about everything the book was about in a few weeks (I have a very bad memory)!!! Enjoy!

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chelsea Handler and My Extracurricular Readings

As you probably know, us University students have a shitload of readings and lectures to do for each one of our courses and sometimes, it gets tiring to try to memorize all of these theories, concepts and their examples! This is why oftentimes, we need some pizzazz in our lives! Most of us would just stop by the nearest bar and drink their lives (and wages), while some might want to have raunchy sex, watch a movie with a date, stuff his face like a pig, work out, work or simply read a very explicit and funny book. Well turns out that Rodzilla likes to do all of'em thangs and tries to manage his boredom as well as he can! 

To be honest with you, six months ago one would have questioned me about Chelsea Handler and I would've responded by gently saying: "sorry, I don't know who that is". But my dear friend Cherry was nice enough to talk to me about Ms. Handler and her ferocious yet endearing lifestyle and even lent me her book. It occured that that book was probably the funniest one that Handler ever wrote; it was My Horizontal Life. This collection of unfortunate one-night stands is definitely a "must" when it comes to funny readings! I used to be a huge fan of Janice Dickinson and loved reading her books but after reading all of them, I had nothing left to read and needed to find myself a new obnoxious author to make me laugh while waiting in line for the bus or actually, inside the bus to commute to school. Not only are these kinds of books funny and enjoyable to read through, they will also provide you with great exposure and attention since their hardcovers habitually showcase their dear authors in a scantily clad, subjective way.

My Horizontal Life was a hell of a refreshing reading for me as I read during my first semester (fall '10) and was really bored by the lectures I had to do for my classes (Economics, Computing, Management and Business Communication)! Trust me, despite being the easiest semester, it was by far the most boring one! I was glad to read stories that I could relate to and not feel like a total looser because most of my dates or one-night stands were awful or awkward! I now know that even millionaires, celebrities and good-looking people have had to deal with the same kind of issues!

A few weeks after I came back from Cuba, my friend Cherry told me she had bought another book from Chelsea Handler called Are You There Vodka? It's Me Chelsea and that she was willing to lend it to me. I have to say that despite the fact that its title is hilarious, "Are You There Vodka" was ein wenig disappointing since the tales she narrated in that book were much less funny and memorable than in "My Horizontal Life" and also, the fact that it was very randomly-written with Handler jumping from one subject to another. I wouldn't say it's an unpleasurable read or that it should be avoided; it's still über funny!

What you need to know about Chelsea is that she's a Jewish (I love'em Jews and I'm expecting to hook up with plenty of'em this summer lollz!) stand-up comedian turned tv host and was born in Livingston, New Jersey back in 1975. She is the youngest child of six siblings and grew up feeling like an "outsider" since her family was highly colorful and laughed at by neighbours because of her dad possessing ten cars that were always broken and in pitiful conditions.

The only thing that Handler seems to like about her family is the fact that they're so pathetic that she can make fun of'em and will never run out of anecdotes to tell in her books or shows! She also said that her best childhood memories were when the whole family would go to Martha's Vineyard, sit back and relax. At 19 years old, she moved to Los Angeles to pursue an acting career but started out doing all sorts of low-paid, bad jobs such as waiting tables at cheap restaurants (pretty much like me actually lol). Just before she turned 21, she was arrested by the police because she was DUI and was forced to serve some time in prison (!). When she got to prison, they informed her that she had to be there because not only did she driving while being intoxicated with alcohol, she was also being investigated for using a fake I.D. (that belonged to her Mormon sister Sloane) whose holder had complained.

After telling her story about DUI to other offenders who found her shortcoming funny, she reasoned that it would be a great idea to try her shot at stand-up comedy. She was instantly successful. She began to do stand-up shows across the whole Los Angeles area for years and that's how she met her best friend who's 6 feet tall and black with an ass the size of a medicine ball, Shoniqua. Chelsea Handler is usually extremely funny and witty and loves midgets! One thing that I find sad though, is that she likes to call her own father "Bitch Tits"!!! Can you believe it?! I certainly can't! I mean even if my father annoys me at times, I would never call him such evil names! 

One thing that both Chelsea and I have in common is our love for Whitney Houston, Vodka and black men! Handler will be releasing a new book this month, called Lies Chelsea Handler Told Me. Check it out! I sure will!

How To Make Love Like A Porn Star : I'll Tell You

I finally went through this whole book yay! After four months of readin it part-time, I've managed to read it all! It's frigging long lemme tell ya lol! I love reading but I don't like reading books that have more than 400 pages ya know. Anyways, I oughtta tell you that that was über-good and delighting! I know a lot of people might think like Oh my God! A book about a porn star who tries to tell her that she has done the right choices in life, how satanic! But hey, it's really interesting to get to know what kind of world and universe the porn industry is. It's a whole other thing in there; it has nothing to do with our little conventional lives, trust me!

Jenna Jameson begins her book by saying that the memoir presents her "more nakked than [she]'s ever allowed herself to be seen. Neither [her] father nor [her] husband have been privy to these experiences; they have been a burden and a blessing for [her] to carry alone". I think that means a lot coming from a woman who's been buck naked on the cover of thousands of magazines, films and billboards. She also adds that the "cautionary tale" is a "shocking tale, but is also one of hope and beauty". That pretty much summarizes what I think of the book as a whole; it contains truthful sad stories and pitiful childhood and teenage experiences which have led her to become confused and along with her not-so-caring upbringing and wicked association with die-hard people swept her into considering stripping and doing porn as a career path for herself.

Despite all you can hear about porn stars of even Jenna Jameson herself, I do believe she is a smart woman just by the way she ratiocinates and she bethinks herself and her anterior decisions. The book contains hundreds of photos of her as a child, teenager, young adult, stripper, porn star, her with friends and family, with job acquaintances and some of her mother. There are also some cartoons of her as a stripper with some tips about the dos and don'ts of  the so-called "occupation". Similar to what a lot of people think, I believe that one of the reasons why she decided to undertake porn as a journey to "sanitize" herself from drugs and men was exactly because of the same reasons she had those problems: she had no self-esteem and was deprived from self-respect. I need to point out the fact that she has been raped two times; once when she was a teenager and was living in Montana, she's been raped by a bunch of guys from her High School who were supposed to "lift" her home and one other time by her boyfriend's stepfather. Can you believe?! That's truly awful and sorrowful!

The "porn star look"

Throughout the years, Jenna Jameson or Jenna Massoli (her real name) went on to become the most famous and recognized porn star of all time thanks to her "hard work" (literally) and determination because honestly, we really gotta give it to her; she's devoted herself into her work and despite the fact that it's porn and not seen as glorious or beneficial to society in terms of surival and sustainability, it can be considered as art or a form of modern way to study Anthropology. I'm sure you all laughed after reading that last sentence but sincerely, it is true that depending from which country you originate, you won't have the same sexual practices of vision of sexuality as a whole!



Jenna and her "golden globes"

 Being originally from "fabulous" Las Vegas, Nevada, Jameson's mother died of cancer when she was two years old and after her death, her traumatized father has never been able to cope with his mourning and never took care of his children properly. Jameson moved from state to state and coast to coast each year of her childhood and teens and has had numerous stepmothers. She started taking drugs such as Cocaine and LSD when she was still a teenager and starting stripping at the age of 17 when she still had dental braces. She wrote in her book that she was fed up of her braces at one point so she removed them herself with needlenose pliers, one word: OUCH! She was a notorious stripper at Las Vegas's "Crazy Horse Too" strip club and eventually went on to work as a nude model. Being involved in a tumultuous relationship with her then-boyfriend Jack, she fought everyday and began to be seriously addicted to meth which gave her energy and forbade her from having a proper diet and healthy lifestyle. A couple of months of consuming meth on a daily basis turned Jameson into a bag of bones with her 5'7" frame being supported by 76 lbs of remaining vital muscles, blood and bones. She says it herself that it is a miracle that she didn't die at that point.

The book ends after Jameson got married to her boyfriend named Jay (which she divorced not long after) and she implemanted her own business called Club Jenna which enables her to produce her own porn movies, have her own sexual toy lines and much more. Nowadays, Jenna Jameson doesn't act in porn movies anymore and wished to never do it again. She says she's done with that. Sincerely, I would highly recommand it to anyone who's ever wondered what it was like to be a porn star. Just imagine it for a minute, it seem cool lol! You get paid to look fierce and caliente, have sex with raunchy people on camera and cum during the whole day... Okay I know this is a very irrational and dreamy version of it but still, it can't all be as bad as we might think.

It is not that "hard" to be a porn star: if you're a man, just spray tan yourself like a guido, take a shitload of proteins or steroids to boost your muscles, wear a "cock ring", pop viagra and make primate-like sounds and groan when you fuck and there you go, you're a male porn star!

But if you're a woman, that's different; you need to die your hair yellow-blond, get gigantic boob implants, tone a bit on the stomach but keep a chubby ass so that it will giggle when you have sex, paint your lips red and get fake, long nails just to add a cheaper look to your "sex appeal". You also need to swallow, wear a lot of makeup, act submissive and easy and there you go, you're a female porn star!!! It's magical lol!

--> I'm glad to post this a day after Valentine's Day to show you how I don't give a crap about it. To me, Valentine's Day is a commercial celebration intended to make flowers, chocolate, underwear and restaurant sales boom after Christmas. I'm sorry to put it that way but it's true! Plus I've never been in a relationship during Valentine's Day so it simply reminds me how much of an eternal single I am and also reminds me of my ex since he was born on February 14th! What kind of a crappy day is it?! Plus I had two Midterm exams yesterday so lemme tell ya one thang: brotha had shit on his mind and wasn't feeling festive at all! I agree with people who say that if you really love your partner, you should tell him/her everyday instead of waiting until February 14th (which can be long if you met the person at the end of the February haha) and then by him/her a shitload of chocolate (which will make him/her gain pounds and become soft), or flowers or anything other thing that won't be in special at that time 'cause it is intended to bring companies profits at that particular time. It will hurt both your wallet, you stomach and your date so, FUCK IT!