Stress, Final Exams and Lack of Sex (or Love Life)

I'm writing this down for all of us who are in this ugly period called "final examinations" where we're all so stressed and tensed that a shortage of coffee could lead all of us to a breakdown. I'm one of you, don't worry! It's been two weeks that I haven't really slept and in fact, I was so exhausted two days ago that I went to bed at 6pm and woke up at 11am the next day!!! I guess that's undeniable evidence that I was deceased! Can you believe that I slept 17 hours straight?! Lol I guess I needed it!

 I'm also writing this down for all the people who have never been to University or College and think students are lazy and not doing shit. Think again 'cause you should face the facts: these students will have been to school something like five more years than you and have studied subjects a lot more difficult and abstract than High School's gym classes. We should (I'd like to write "will" but it would be too utopic) have higher salaries, social advantages and bonuses than you either. Which is the main reason why school is a good avenue to encounter when you're not ready to hit the freeway.

I think such assumption (and proof in certain cases) should be perceived as motivators to pursue University studies. Nevertheless, I couldn't agree more with the ol' saying that school sucks and exams are there to rotten our lives! Just last thursday, I had a final exam for a Marketing class and had barely slept three hours prior to hopping out of bed and going to the school's library (which is huge but terribly hideous) to study a bit more before throwing up all that I have learned during the semester on paper. Guess what horrible thing happened to Rodzilla during that stressful moment that is a final exam??!!! I began to have gases and stomachaches during my exam and as the whole class was overly silent and calm, I felt like EVERYBODY could hear my stomach moan and groan and felt so embarrassed! I waited until I was at least done with my exam to sashay out of that room and bring an end to that painful moment!

I didn't sleep more than five or six hours per night during the whole length of this past week and felt truly dead! I didn't have time to hit the gym nor do anything else than school-related stuff. I don't know if I'm the only one experiencing such a thing when I'm tired but I usually get sad, moody and discouraged about my life. Namely, the only guy who seemed to be chasing me last week was a fatass named Wally who is Jordanian and obese which made me feel like he was the only guy left in the world to think I was hot. That made me kind of sad especially when considering the fact that I had just learned about the whole "Mahmud story" which sucked even more!

During such times of pain and anxiety, one should reinforce his own coat of armor in order to prevent sanity from deteriorating. I will provide you with a helpful tool kit for such measures:

• A full pack of Gravols (pills intended to prevent motion sickness but that create somnolence: take one before going to bed and you'll sleep happily ever after)
• Pictures of yourself at your hottest and your fittest (helps to forget about the weight and softness we've gained lately)
• A list of your ex lovers and boyfriends/girlfriends (that'll make you empowered by realizing how much you're a dude/chick magnet)
• Coffee, coffee, coffeeeee!!!! (drink as much as you can but stop when you start having funny breath and brown teeth)
• Tea (it can both relax you or stimulate you; especially black tea)
• SNUS (OMFG this is your ultimate best friend when you're stressed!!! Purchase it whether anywhere close to home (only if you live in Scandinavia) or online if you live far from there like me!)
• FRIENDZ (they're the best remedy to anxiety, stress and sadness)
• A good cell phone (you can call anyone you want to talk to)
• A good laptop (to bring with you anywhere and relieve your stress by watching porn)
• Booze (any kind: Vodka, Rhum, Tequila, you name it, you take it! It helps in such times of weakness)
• Moisturizer and Cleanser (you may not have time to tan or exercise but don't let your skin deteriorate)
• Sweatpants (fuck those high-end clothes when you're tired, fed up and burned out)
• Makeup (hide those circles under your eyes)

Now I'll tell you what one should NOT do in order to stay motivated, grounded and positive about such a bad period of stress. The list goes as follows:

1. Don't go online and check photos of hot male/female models!!!! This is the worst thing to do as you'll simply feel uglier and uglier (I did that this week and never felt worse about myself)
2. Don't try to recontact an ex lover or boyfriend with whom you've had a negative encounter (it will probably not work out again, thus making you feel even worse about your potential)
3. Don't think about leisure time; it will come after you're done with your crap
4. Don't keep in touch with lazy sloth (like my brother) who barely work, don't study and have plenty of time to sleep and laze around town (these people will make you feel like you have no time to enjoy life)
5. Don't think about the gym, DON'T (You have no time to go there and unless you can find a little slot during the week to hit it, don't think about it as you'll start feeling bad about your body's situation)
6. Don't think about what you're eating (just count the calories but still eat fast food, fuck it!)
7. Don't discuss grades with your friends (You may whether hurt their feelings if you have higher ones or get your feelings hurt if they beat yo ass on all subjects)
8. Don't feel bad about not wanting to work at your part-time job (I mean yo, you've had your week and its level of tantrums, it's normal to not want to be yelled at and swore at by an old and insane Persian bastard (my case)).
9. Don't think about how much money you have left (it will make you even more stressed)
10. Don't think about sex (it will CUM later....!!!)

AMEN.