Monday, December 26, 2011

Fatty Fat Fat Wants to Pat My Sack

The matter discussed in this article is of major concern for the gay male alpha.

Two weeks ago, right before Rodzilla had his first final exam, he needed to refresh his mind, have some fun and get laid. These very primary needs ought to be satisfied in this very order and on a constant basis otherwise no gay male alpha can keep up with today's society's trends, fashions, lifestyles or even reach happiness.

A few months ago, I was desperate and sex-deprived so I had joined an online dating website (again) and had met a baklava named Waleed. He seemed nice, polite, well-mannered and had some skills at dirty talking and phone sex. What fell out of my jurisdiction is the fact that Waleed was fat. That's it fellas, not chubby nor slightly coated, just plain F.A.T. I would even go on to say he was obese... I'm not even kidding!

Even though I had promised myself to never bugger an obese person, it seems like I cannot respect my own rules as I did meet him and spent an evening with him. He was genuinely kind and interesting and also very clever as he was a Law student at the supposedly prestigious School of Law of McGill University. Oh I need to mention that he was a Jordanian Christian from Amman! I like to call him "Royal Jordanian" as he's so fat, he probably overate at one of those 5-star hotels along the Jordanian side of the Dead Sea where they serve you all-you-can-eat breakfasts.

I would say the sex was good and the talk wasn't cheap but there's nothing like taking a leap on a huge leek. I'm telling you, not only was he a fat slob, he was really soft and had way too many stretch marks. I know all of this sounds extremely gross and nasty but I'm simply providing you with some juicy and fatty details about a new misadventure of mine!

I do not regret this misadventure as it did indeed help me to focus more on my studies afterward (I got rid of the permanent erection) and likewise, it taught me a lesson: do NOT lower your dock and raise your cock! This lesson could be translated as follows for girls out there: raise your standards not your skirt.

That being said, it is okay to have sex with people that do not look exactly like models in magazines but it doesn't mean you should accept an invitation to your local cockroach-infected diner with a local loser. I'm not assuming that Waleed was a loser but when it comes to trimming down and toning up, he was pretty much last on my list of best eaten pâtés of the last few years.

I was even kind enough to leave room for perhaps a second date with that overfed Middle Eastern stomach but the bastard didn't even call me back! You know you've reached the bottom when even a fat sloth doesn't call you back! I'll leave you on this new mantra of mine (and gossip): "Better be ditched by a good-looking and handsome dude than by a fat and ill-favored stack that might just as well act rude". 

I honored this new motto of mine last friday by almost shagging the hottest dude in the club where I was. Stay tuned for more. Oh and Nizza, I owe this one to you ;-)! Rodzilla love you love you long time!

Which one would you choose?!

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