"Patate Vodka"

I made an extensive (and expensive) abuse of alcohol last weekend.

It seems like since I work at my new job, I have become both an alcoholic and a very social colleague. Indeed, I now employed at my new job since three months and have made new acquaintances among the staff. We have started this tradition of waiting for each other after each shift to drink it up until we loose it. 

Prior to last weekend, I hadn't thrown up since the last five years. I usually stop ingesting alcohol when I start feeling loosey goosey but it seems like I didn't have time to feel it and went on and on with the booze. In fact, my new friend Gabby and I got our shifts wrapped up around midnight last saturday and that's when we agreed to invite the rest of the staff over to some nasty douchebag-infected bar located near my house on tha South sho'.

As soon as our feet went past the bar's entrance door (or after we were carded by the bouncer), we headed for the most distant table to launch the process of screwing up our livers. The moment the "too shy" barmaid approached us, we ordered rounds of shots. What must have harmed me is that we didn't order tasty shots or drinks; we basically ordered EVERY goddamn thing on their menu. That resulted in serious stomachaches and funny faces as I had a hard time swallowing those disgusting shots. I also got to learn that Sambuca tastes like fucking crap. I'm sorry for those of you who are fans of this Italian liquor but Rodzilla simply can't handle that taste; worse than rimming some twink who hasn't washed himself in ages!

I think we drank something like 10 shots in two hours or less. Gabby and I had previously devoured a specialty dish from our Casa; a Gnocchi Gigi. For those of you who've never heard of the sauce Gigi, it's made of shallots, mushrooms, rosée sauce and pancetta. Rosée sauce at our restaurant is made out of genuine cream and tomato sauce for a frigging massive mix. Our little posse didn't want to restrain itself to blond beer or rhum'n coke: hell no. We headed for shots of Sambuca, Tequila, Vodka, Cognac, Sour Pussy, Red Bull and Rhum. I also continued to drink blond beer on the side and mix as much as I could.

Just a few minutes before we left the bar, my system was already so packed and trippin' that I began acting overly horny and my rapist character came out once again. I have to name that other me who tries to rape people when I drink. He sounds really German, strict and rude, let's call him Jörg (the ugliest name in the German language). That's when I went for one of the busboy's head and pulled it toward my zipper (!). I guess respectful people don't do stuff like that, guess my mama didn't teach me lol. Of course, I am not rude and I wasn't trying to humiliate him; I was just horny and wanted to try my shot at getting some "sip on the cock".

What happened between the bar and my house is something that went completely out of my jurisdiction: I have no souvenir nor any memory whatsoever! I had never been so darn drunk! The day after, I woke up fully dressed in my la-z-boy with my uniform covered with vomit and only one dried contact lense left in my right eye. My brain was numb and I could barely realize what happened to me! 

I spent the whole day trying to wake up and be productive as I needed to study for my final exam that was being held last wednesday. I called Gabby the day after to learn that her, Noddhim, Guy and Just-In had all come over to my house after the bar and that I had been sick on my soffa. She said it was kinda funny as I kept saying "Patate Vodka" on and on and on. I could barely remember saying these two words which combined almost sound Polish. BTW: Patate Vodka means Vodka Potato in French.

I further got to learn that they had made tapes of me saying "Patate Vodka" on repeat for like thirty minutes. I heard this week and even though I feel humiliated to hear myself say stuff that I don't remember having said, I have to say the videos are completely hilarious and funnier than anything you could see on Youtube!

The thing is: tain't no one putting that crap up on Youtube! Rodzilla's got his word up to physically restrain them otha fellas' asses to do so. Unfortunately, y'all won't be able to rejoice yourself laughing at such insanity. What happened from 3am until 9am that night is still matter of investigation for "The Big Dog" as I have a hard time recalling what occurred. Even with aided recall (thanks to thesem Freuden), I have gladly remembered some of the most hilarious moments but some still fall out of my mental recovery.

My poor mom cleaned the whole couch the morning after while I was still subconsciously deceased (!). She said that she tried her best to talk to me and awaken me but couldn't. All I would utter was a few English words followed by a whole sentence in Deutsch and then undescribable onomatopoeias.

Moral of the story: do NOT abuse of alcohol in such a short time frame, you could loose it big time and regret things after. Fortunately, I do not regret it and am actually proud to have coined a new term: PATATE VODKA.

Amen on that.

P.S.: Vodka is actually truly made out of potatoes and originates from Poland and the surrounding Slavic countries such as Russia.