Lol that was quite somethin', lemme tell ya!
Okay so on friday March 25th, I really had a good day. Everything started when I had a cute little appointment with my colleague from Marketing who all wanted to know how my ballz were doing since I had an operation for them just three weeks ago (this will lead to a further article!). I told'em my ballz were just fine and that they were glad to allow me to walk properly again (I was walking like a penguin after the operation).
That day, it was friggin' cold outside but the sun was shining quite loudly and I loved it. That's when accompanied by my newly-discovered Senegalese soulmate Emy, I went sashayin' my way down the "Vieux Port" of Montreal. There, I had a craving (doesn't really come as a surprise; I'm a pig). I had the the über-brilliant idea to go grab some food. We window-shopped for about 10 minutes or so until we finally agreed to get some local poutine at "Montreal Poutine" on the cute St-Paul street in the old port. We then proceeded to sing some Mariah Carey songs like two crazy shiznits while strutting around the downtown to head back to school and thus, celebrate Mariah's soon-to-be birthday.
That's when we decided to go shopping to find a present for St-Lawrence's birthday. On the way back to University, I had a txt message from my friend Gerv who was telling me that she had just received two free tickets to go attend Nelly's concert at the Metropolis. Unaware of the fact that Nelly was still alive, I first thought about Nelly Furtado which led me to ask her that particular question. She then replied: "no, Nelly the black dude, it's gettin' hot in herre". I was like oh my God this is so hilarious, we ought to go to his concert! I mean not only did it give me the opportunity to go see a concert with Gerv, it was also free of expenses which usually cheers me up (I'm a cheap bastard).
When we arrived around the Metropolis and started to desperately find a parking nearby (impossible task), we saw the Nelly ad on the Metropolis's entrance and the title "Cali Swag District" was displayed below his name. Totally not up-to-date about current music trends and stuff (I'm fashionably late), I oddly thought it was the name of his tour lol!! That's when we got in and the first act had already began rehearsing. That's when it hit me: Cali Swag District was the name of the group opening for Nelly and not the name of his tour lol!!! I have to say that even though the room was even less than half-full, Cali Swag rocked it and I found'em quite entertaining. I felt like even though they were unbeknownst to me, they could move a crowd!
After nearly thirty minutes of tripping in the "Cali Swag District" of the place, there was a lil' interlude where Gerv and I decided to spot a nice location for us to sit back and watch the show. That's when we installed ourselves comfortably at a lil' barstool halfway between the big bar at the back of the room and the center stage. We then both ordered each one a beer to the very badly-dressed and mannered waitress. Exactly when we started feeling alright about the upcoming show, a squad of disgusting fucks came standing in front of us both annoying us and blocking our view. We were polite enough not to scream after them but managed to be bitchy enough to bitch about them behind their backs. By looking at their clothes, manners, style and lack of gentlemanness, we both assumed they were a bunch of losers from the States who had never been out in their lives despite them being thirty-something. We had guessed they were probably from whether Vermont or New Hampshire and thought they were having the night of their lives lol!
One of them, the fattest and ugliest one, really had the charisma of a plumber which led us nicknaming him accordingly. He was so disgusting that he kept webbing around us and letting some farts loose here and there. Amusingly enough, they started getting tipsy even before Mista Nelly came on stage and started chatting with Gerv and ordered a round of shoorters for everyone, us included. Being the economical type of guy that I am, I was more than pleased to know that not only had I been able to save on the ticket to the venue but I could also drink without spending a buck lol! Okay I'm kidding here but hell, everybody gotta admit that it's quite funny to have such an inexpensive and cool hangout. After nagging them for a good fifteen minutes, Gerv asked them where they were from and they were actually from Saskatchewan!!! Even worse than New Hampshire lol!!! Can you believe that some people were born and raised in Saskatchewan? I feel so bad for them! Anyways, to make a long story short, them guys paid us multiple shooters and had a running-bill of around 700$ due to the weird barmaid.
I think I enjoyed laughing of these guys even more than watching the show lol! At the end they were so wasted, I think they had forgotten about us lol! Okay so I surely should tell you how the concert went lol! So Nelly showed up on stage wearing a quite simple apparel: a white camusole, shiny diamonds, grillz, a plaster on the cheek, tatoos, loose pants and a pair of Ray Ban glasses. Imagine if Mariah or Celine were to wear mundane outfits like that, their tours would be even more profitable! Nelly managed to sing all of his biggest hits such as "Grillz", "Hot In Herre", "Ride Wit Me", "Pimp Juice" and "Party People". Gerv and I were incredibly ecstatic to hear him sing the memorable "Dilemma" with the little chipmunk "awww" sounds heard after each line in the song! Nelly gave quite a show and invited several bootylicious black mamas to join him on stage and strut their stuff. All of'em had stuffed curves and danced as nicely as my father attempting to look like a 20 year-old. The very successful American rapper (he sold more than 30 million albums worldwide) completed his show with his latest single "Just A Dream". Though totally unsuprising, I believe we were all glad to hear some new material from Nelly. I mean his early songs were all very good but they're starting to be a lil' old.
I want to end this article by thanking meine Freundin Gerv to have invited me to accompany her that evening; that was quite something :-P!
--> Some fly Cali Swag District joints for yo ears:
I have to say that Nelly is quite hot!
