Cuba Libre part 2

Es el momento de la segunda parte de este artículo!

As you can see, my conversational Spanish is improving! With some luck, I might become fluent in German, Spanish and Dutch, along with French and English! That would be really cool! I'd also like to learn them Scandinavian languages like Norwegian, Swedish and Danish... and maybe some Icelandic lol! I know... I'm really fucked up lol!

Anyways, let's set the record straight! So remember I had told you about Yoel the creepy waiter at our hotel right? Well as life likes to be a little "coquine", it sent us another Yoel from Heaven's skies who happened to be a whole other type of brotha. By this I imply I was lucky enough to have a traveling flame which entertained me and provided me with some free "make out" sessions of lip-locking and thus, lip-scratching since Yoel Delgado (full name) liked to use his teeth while kissing... I wasn't a big fan of that option on the menu though! Further down is how I managed to meet and greet Yoel Delgado:

One late evening both Mevrouw Huppe and I were playing with our sexy obnoxious playing cards in the hotel's lobby waiting for some fellas to join us. It took approximately two matches of "asshole" until someone dared to bother us to accompany us into our game that encountered a degrading overlook for the male! The people who joined us were hopeless loosers whose ages oscillated around the 40s or 50s. They were all from Quebec City or Sherbrooke which means they weren't from THE city, the metropolis of Quebec: Montreal! Lol I don't intend to be snobby or whatever but them people from Quebec City or Sherbrooke don't have the same overview on what's in and what's out than us since everything that's in their stores, magazines, journals or underwear is always 6 months older than what we have in Montreal! Okay... that was mean. So I will continue to explain you the details surrounding my affair. As we were all joyfully playing "asshole" with my beloved gay pornographic cards, most of the straight men around the table (all of the men except me) seemed to be a bit traumatized or uncomfortable playing with our cards. Of course, who says playing with vulgar and pornographic cards in an all-inclusive says drinking a lot of cheap booze! That's just what we did lol!



My gay pornographic playing cards

 So we managed to drink, drink and drink and as I can remember, there was a Cuban dude that was sitting in a sofa in front of us who seemed to be keeping an eye on us the whole time. I felt like he was looking at me but all the other people said they thought he had been asked by the hotel management to watch over us to make sure we wouldn't cause any trouble or bother other tourists. But the Cuban dude kept staring at me the whole time which confused me a lot! He even winked at me a couple of times so as I believed he was just an employee on duty, I thought that I might have had consumed a bit too much ron de Cuba and that my brains were going nuts lol! But the day after that incident, Mevrouw Huppe and I were chatting with Ariel (the dude which Mevrouw Huppe had a fling with) and he told us that Yoel (the dude from the previous night) was a dancer at the hotel and he had told him that he was interested by me! I was like goddamn it brotha! I knew I wasn't completely insane! Because I have to say it: most of my friends think I'm just a crazy'N desperate brotha on tha low who thinks every man is gay and that I could have a chance with anybody. But the truth is, I'm not that desperate and I do have a gaydar that does operate sometimes which means that sometimes I acknowledge some opportunities that might come my way, ya know?!

So that night, Mevrouw Huppe and I had decided to go to that Cayo Coco club called "The Cave" for which we had to pay 25 Convertible pesos (approximately $35 CAN!). I was hoping that Yoel (the black dude who was interested by me, not the fucked up waiter) would be there so that I could bump'N grind with him inside that little hot'N humid earth shortcoming. Unfortunately, brotha wasn't part of that experience but Mevrouw Huppe and I still managed to enjoy ourselves by meeting some Ottawa girls, dancing with some Norwegian (yes, Norwegian ;-)) hot dudes, meeting a cute French dude, rescuing overly-drunk people from drowning into their own vomit, messing around two Toronto sisters who looked a lot like the Kardashians and screaming at the top of our lungs during our mini-van ride from Cayo Guillermo to Cayo Coco which was maneuvred by a creepy Cuban uncle who seemed to have found his driving lisence in a Mini Wheat box lol! Oh and I need to tell you that Mevrouw Huppe fell in the stairs leading to the inside of "The Cave" and treaded her ankle which got very swollen after 5 minutes! Oh and I also met a New York City fashionista who had worked for Vera Wang and Betsey Johnson who told me I looked fashionable (with my Mark Jacobs t-shirt) and that she could see me in Fashion or Marketing or Public Relations which enlightened me and made me had one of those "Rodzilla moments" lol!

So let's go back to ma lamb: Yoel. The last two days of our trip, after being fed up of eating bad and untasty food (them Cubans don't eat anything with dressing or sauce, don't have black pepper and lacked proper ustensils and a reasonable number of plates), burning under the sun (I couldn't handle the redness anymore), eating hot dogs and being chased by creepy fucks, Mevrouw Huppe and I had decided to both mingle each one with a cute dude, that is Ariel for her and Yoel for me. So each night, after playing porno cards and drinkin' beer with our newly-met Ottawa homies, we would gather around our lil' Cubanitos and make out until dawn. The first night I spent with Yoel, he was hella horny and was really annoying; he was trying way too hard to make out with me and wouldn't let go of my skin even for a nano-second lol! And when we kissed, he would use his teeth to make the kiss "more passionate" which irritated my sun-burnt lips even more lol! He would pull his body around me so tightly and firmly that I could hardly breathe and I would constantly repel him from me lol! I felt a bit bad but hey, I was truly uncomfortable and it wasn't even turning me on. At the end of our "session", we masturbated (lol) and he made these über-strange sounds when he came (which I didn't even notice) and then he started to apologize for having cum before me lol!!! I was actually very glad since I was dying to just head back to my room and sleep for Christ's sake!



The little hut (that reminded me of Pizza Hut) over the pier at our
hotel where Yoel & I spent our last night...



The second evening I spent with Yoel, we went together on the pier and talked a bit more and I explained to him that I felt sorry for pushing him away the night before but that I couldn't help it since I wasn't feeling comfortable. He told me he really liked me and that's when he taught me the funniest Cuban expression ever: pinga cojone!!! It supposedly means "cock'N balls" lol! I will never forget both that expression and Yoel! It was one of the nicest evening I ever spent with someone! He was just really sweet and seemed to be crazy in love with me just like Beyoncé and Jay-Z back in 2003! On the last day of our trip, Yoel told me he was really sad to see me go after only one week spent together. I have to admit it: I felt sad too! I mean I wasn't completely in love with him but I appreciate the time I spent with him and liked him a lot too. We exchanged emails and I told him that even though I was flattered that he liked me so much, he needed to try to meet a Cuban dude with whom he could live his life since I am 15 years younger than him, I live in Canada and I don't know when I might see him again or if it'll ever happen. I then told him to come to see me in the lobby before we left. He never showed up.

When I was in the bus en route for the airport, I started feeling sad and told Mevrouw Huppe that I had cried in the shower during the morning LOLLLL!!! How shameful! She was laughing since she had seen me cry only once and it was the day I had gotten super drunk chatting with Paul, the Welsh tourist! She then handed something out of her purse... In fact, it was a plastic bag and she said it was something Yoel had given her and had asked her to give it to me. I opened it and to my great suprise, there was red heart-shaped plastic flowers and a love letter. In the letter, he said he'll never forget me and he hopes I'll never forget him either, how cute!!! I'll always keep it! Who knows, it might be the only time in my life that I'll receive this sort of present!

Since we have come back, I wrote to him once on their internet which is actually called Intranet there since their government censors the internet to make sure the Cuban people is not aware of what its government does and to avoid a new revolution! I don't know what will happen, I might go back to Cuba and see the dude again! I have to say I really loved my trip and liked every bit of it even the less funny ones like having a frog in the shower, having my knee bleeding the whole week 'cause it got scratched in the sand and meeting all sorts of weird people lol! I especially enjoyed our Catamaran trip, our "clubbing" experiences, the beach, the joyful and cheerful staff, having the privilege to see Mevrouw Huppe's naked body multiple times a day and showing her mine lol!!!