Hola amigos!
I am finally back from down South and had a blast! I really loved my week spent in Cayo Guillermo with Mevrouw Huppe. That was one of those times when I felt completely free and had nothing on mind. By this I mean that I was drinking all day and night so I had no time to think about my problems and the things that don't work in my life. Yay! What a great way to escape lol! Honestly I spent the whole week tanning (and thus, burning), eating bad Cuban food, drinking, being chased by the Cubans, swimming in the Ocean, bathing on the beach, meeting odd or nice people, doing all sorts of cheesy touristic activities, pactising my Spanish and complaining. These are all stuff that I love!
What's bad is that I tried to open my blog when I was there (I had like a 5 minute access to the internet at the lobby) and the computer wouldn't open it. I really think my blog is censored in Cuba! Probably because it is explicit, obscene, pornographic and talks about everything in an unsubtle, ass-in-yo face way. Well that's the Rodzilla way and if they don't like it, too bad for them because Rodzilla will continue to approach the world in his own personal way.
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| Our room was the habitacion on the right of the little under-construction hut |
There are so many interesting things that happened to me during this trip, I don't even know where to start! First of all, I felt a bit bad the day we left because my friend Terrine was the one giving us a lift to YUL and while both Mevrouw Huppe and I were ecstatic and happy to leave, Terrine was down because she just had a heartbreak and was nervous because of all her upcoming Midterm exams. I was also a bit anxious regarding our flight since it was held by CanJet Airlines and that my parents had had a very unpleasant misadventure with them a year ago. But to be sincere, I was positively surprised by CanJet; the food was good and abundant, the staff was helpful and competent and the flight passed very quickly. After we had both landed in CCC (Jardines del Rey airport in Cayo Coco), both Mevrouw Huppe and I had to pass the Cuban customs which was quite an easy thing to do since they didn't ask any questions.
We then had a short bus ride to our hotel which was the Villa Cojimar resort at Cayo Guillermo. The hotel, which was a 3 and half star, was mighty fine for the cheap price we paid (740 CAN $ each) but to be honest, the rooms were decorated in a tacky and cheesy way and the food was terrible. But beside from that, I don't want to complain too much since I know a lot of people didn't get the chance to have a Southern gayaway lol.
The first night, we encountered a problem with the lock on our door; it wouldn't open and this, right after we had installed our stuff everywhere in the room. Since we were a bit tipsy, we got really mad and went directly to the lobby to ask for a technician to repair it. The "technician" came after 15 minutes of waiting and was in fact the customer service rep and didn't know anything about how to repair such things. He told us that we only had to hit the door a bit after inserting our cards and that it would work correctly. The dude then started to hit on Mevrouw Huppe and started saying romantic and cheesy stuff like "tu y yo, vamos a la playa?"!! Lol that was hilarious! Since she was über-drunk, she didn't realize that the guy was weird and she just felt like having a good time so she asked him to acompany her to the beach, which he did. I was so tired from my last week of exams, my lack of sleep and my wonderings that I told'em I was gonna head to bed straight. Mevrouw Huppe came back like 10 minutes after and was laughing whith all her lungs while explaining to me how creepy the guy was and how he managed to remove his clothes to reveal his tiny penis and stuck it in a condom in a nano-second. She said it grossed her out so much that she left the beach running lol!!!
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| View of the beach from our room: and we didn't even pay the extra to have it! How fabulous?! |
The next two days, we received two bottles of rhum for free in our room, thanks to the creepy customer service manager who was trying to reconquer my friend lol! The second night, we felt bored since there was no disco at our hotel (it was supposedly broken) so we decided to go along the animation staff to an improvised night club called "The Bowling" which was in reality, a genuine bowling place during the day lol! We went along a couple of Cubans including one dude who was a dancer at our hotel whose name was Leandro. Leandro was really small and thin and made me think of a fuckable twink. I liked him but I felt like he was too much of an easy prey. During our night out at the bowling (lol), Mevrouw Huppe started dancing with another dancer from our hotel whom I had spotted as fresh meat material. His name was Ariel (like the Little Mermaid) which I loved. He was gorgeous and had very pale blue eyes and a caramel skin; he was fully edible. I then started being very jealous of Mevrouw Huppe since I thought "the mermaid" was gay and that she had stolen him from me! I then relied on Leandro to entertain me and unravel me which led me disappointed since he was a total cunt and had nothing interesting to say. He even laughed of me when I pointed a dude and said he was hot. I guess he didn't laugh because I was gay since he was gay as well but he still managed to annoy me. I then stepped outside waiting for Mevrouw Huppe to come out and come along back to our hotel.
While I was waiting for her outside, a weird dude called Martin who was from Quebec City was there and he told me he really needed to go back to his hotel which was the same than ours. That's when the four of us decided to walk on the beach from the bowling to our hotel. I have to say that even if we were all very tipsy (or even drunk), I do remember everything and I remember very well how beautiful the sky and the ocean was that night. I guess it's a sad thing that Martin and us crossed path since he was so much of a helpless looser that we made fun of him the rest of the week afterward (he was 39, single with no antecedent of relationship or anything grown-up).
The next day, while sashaying around the pool, Mevrouw Huppe and I were both stunned to spot a caliente muchacho who looked just like an italian stallion. I knew that he was straight right away so I didn't even bother approaching him. Mevrouw Huppe, who couldn't handle her whore-mones anymore, decided to confront him and lie to him while trying to impress him; she told him she was studying in Communications at McGill which is totally false, she's still trying to obtain her High School diploma! The dude was really cute, his name was Brad and just like I told him, he was the same as Brad Pitt, only without the "pitt" lol! He told me he was a Concordia student as well, majoring in Political Sciences with a minor in Anthropology. I liked him right away. He was 27 years old and working part time as a bartender at a little lounge near our University called Kafein. I promised myself to go there someday to have a chat with him even though I know he's into women and he's a bit older. Anyways, sadly enough, we never really chilled with him since he was a bit boring; he'd spend his whole days studying for his upcoming Midterm exam which was scheduled after our Spring break.
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| Playa Pilar (Cuba's best beach) as seen from our Catamaran |
While tanning (or burning in my case) on the beach, Mevrouw Huppe and I were approached by a desperate couple from Longueuil (on the South shore of MTL), who followed us all week and whom we didn't really like! They were such loosers, they told me they would take a picture of their names in the sand to send it to their friends with whom they played a Facebook game entitled "Castle of Camelot" LOLLL!!! Enough of that lol, I have to tell you that even though I was trying my best to eat healthy, exercise and sleep, we didn't sleep that much, ate awfully badly and only played tennis and volleyball once lol! I also have to tell you that I drank more last week than in my whole life combined! My liver was about to resign from its functions! There was one day where I drank so much and mixed everything from Bloody Mary to Mojito, Blonde beer to Café liquor, Pina Colada to Red wine and Margarita to Rhum'N coke!!! I'm tellin' ya: it was really nasty and thanks goodness Mevrouw Huppe had asked me to bring Tums with me because I would've probably regurgitated my whole life if I hadn't taken 10!!! I was so drunk that time that I spent a whole hour talking with a welsh tourist whose name was Paul about whichever subject came to my mind! He was quite cute for his 45 years old but he was at the resort with his wife and son...!!! After resolving to come back to my room to join Mevrouw Huppe in our afternoon naps, I left Paul at the bar and bothered Mevrouw Huppe while she was sleeping; I started cyring and laughing at the same time which, trust me, isn't a very pretty combination! I also undressed myself revealing what my mama gave me to Mevrouw Huppe who was a bit astonished!
Since we had scheduled an evening dinner to the restaurant à la carte and that the buffet's food was barely edible without being poisoned, she didn't wanna miss that opportunity! I then told her I would like to acompany her there but that I was dying and that I could barely stand up and get dressed. Therefore, Mevrouw Huppe determined it was a good idea to hold me and dress me up herself! I felt really sorry for her since she must have felt like she was babysitting during that evening! Thereafter we went to the restaurant and Mevrouw Huppe was harassed by the waiter whose name was Yoel because he wanted to make out with her so much and he even demanded her to see him without me. She refused his proposal, left along with me and since we were both deceased, we went to bed at 9h30 pm!!! Can you believe?! That's fucking early! What uncool suprise was it to be woken up at 3h00 am by the same fucking waiter who called our phone and was requesting to talk to Mevrouw Huppe! I was so tired and confused that I simply hung up the phone. It almost took us a whole hour to fall asleep again since the ringtone on the phone was so irritating and loud. At 6h30 am, to my merciful suprise, the same creepy fuck knocked on our door. We agreed it was better to ignore him, that he would tire and that we could finally sleep as we were begging to. But the dude was persistent and obstinate and wouldn't let go; he continued to knock on the front door for 5 minutes then proceeded to knock on our back door (our patio door) and came back to the front door to knock some more. Clad only with my underwear and ugly glasses, I concluded it was time for me to take things in hand and shake the fuck outta him so we could have peace! I mean goddamn it, we were on vacation! That's why I ran to the door, opened it abruptly and yelled at him asking him what the fuck did he want. He responded speaking with a very slow and high-pitched voice asking why I was mad. I told him it was 6h30 am, that we were sleeping and that we both didn't care about him nor wanted to talk to him. He said: "but didn't you say you wanted to go to Playa Pilar"? I was like yes, but not at 6h30 am nor with you, you can get the fuck away!
I was so pissed that I showered and got dressed and headed directly to the lobby to complain about him and request a room change. The guy at the front said he would talk to Yoel and that we wouldn't be bothered like that anymore. I was upset he didn't want to change us room but seems like Yoel understood because he never dared to talk to us again even when we came back to his restaurant!
