Lemme make it clear to you right away, this is and will be my most disgusting article EVER lol!!! I know, I know, you might be scared but hey, it's worth it.
So what I really wanna discuss here is when one is having a lil' problem with his rear end while on a date. What I mean by this is when you're on a date (or a hook up) and everything is apparently going on just fine when suddenly, pop! you feel your stomach gasping and reprimanding you for what you have just eaten. In most cases, we call this gas, in some moderate cases, it can occur as constipation but hey in severe cases, one can experience friggin' DIARRHEA on a date!!!!
That's gross and hell, I know it! I've actually had that issue when I was on a very stressful date three years ago. I had been seduced by an obnoxious, over-the-top diva called Jean-Charles who was everything but pleasant. The dude always called his buddies and well, everybody "Coco" but what was über-irritating was his complete non-sense of saying "Chaboom" to anything cool or nice that you'd say. I could barely stand it!
Anyways, I need to tell y'all that even if I wasn't truly interested about him, I nonetheless felt a lil' something about having been approached by him since he was quite good-looking and had a nice pâté (and a tight ass). Though I never thought even for one second that I could bear being called "Coco" and having to add "Chaboom" to my everyday slang. So as we were on our second shitty date -like, literally- we went shopping and as a cheap bastard than I am, didn't buy anything lol! He or I could almost say she, didn't buy anything either and acted like a Hollywood starlet all the time which made me feel bored and annoyed. As we were about to end our shit, we went to eat lunch at the Food court of a downtown mall. I had tortellini with rosé sauce and ate it faster than when a woman ovulates.
Thereafter, we started chatting about him (of course, in his book, he was so interesting and amazing) which bored the shit out of me and combined with the pastas, tossed the shit out of me. I quickly started having gases and had the worst stomach-ache ever. I think they'd grade up for a 10 on the Richter scale haha! The worst part of the story is that I think he noticed my internal digestion. In this kind of situation, St-Lawrence would say "cut the crap" as he likes to quote that in order to finish something as quick as possible. But in this case, I really needed to "cut the shit" as I needed to evacuate my guts out. I excused myself, went to the bathroom and shitted for like 35 minutes!!!!!!!! Afterwards when I came back to the table he said "man that was long"! I lied and said I had gotten lost trying to find the restrooms! Our date ended a few minutes after and we never met together again!
Furthermore, if y'all need to poop on a date, end it up before shitting. Find an excuse to simply withdraw from the date instead of going to the bathroom for hours and coming back to your date with a shitty excuse. You should literally, cut the shit and leave. Especially if you're a gay man or a lesbian since your mate can accompany you to the same bathroom! Plus please, please, PLEASE, don't have sex if you have haemorrhoids or diarrhea, THAT'S NASTY!!!
I'll end up in beauty with a lovely picture that I found on the net that best expresses what laxative food and drinks such as Coke can make you experience:
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| Lovely way to "evacuate the dancefloor" |
